Funny Thing to Do at a Talent Show
I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be a musician
First thing is, that I don't have the talent and the second is, that I cannot C sharp due to my glasses
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
Bird Impression
A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.
The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"
The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"
The owner responds, "Pff, no thanks. Plenty of people can do that."
So the guy says "Oh..ok...well thanks anyway,' and flies away.
I went on a blind date the other day...
...it didn't start that way, but she brought pepper spray.
*Credit to America's Got Talent comedian (I don't remember his name)
My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow.
That means no black people.
Did you hear about the German doing an impression at the talent show?
He did the wurst.
A man heard a talk show was looking for people with unusual talents
When he showed up to audition for the segment the talk show host asked him what talent he was going to perform. The man explained "I imitate birds." The talk show host laughed, waving him away saying "thousands of people can imitate birds. We want something nobody has ever seen before." The man shrugged, flapped his arms, and flew away.
Did you hear about the terrorist on the talent show!?
apparently he blew the judges away!
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
So me and my paedophile friends have a weekly gathering...
Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just fingering A minor.
I have a rather unique talent. You can give me any girl's name and I know a song for that name.
Try me!
You can explore talent abilities reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean talent stage dad jokes. There are also talent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
what was Joan of Arc's hidden talent?
She could really cook.
I'm thinking of entering myself in a talent contest...
It's a neat trick if you can do it
--Barry Cryer
So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.
Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?
There are four sure fire ways to get through math class
Either you study hard, have a natural talent for it, or just skip it.
A guy did squats at a talent show...
He called it a stand up routine.
I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me...
I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,
"Sure," I replied. "If you let me choose."
"Okay," she grinned. "But how will you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent," I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"Okay," she giggled. "You can choose for me."
So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate."
Why did the eagle win the talent show?
Because he was TALONted!
I applied for art school
I had no port folio, had never drawn in my life and absolutely no talent.
I was furious when they rejected me because I was the perfect candidate.
Surely if anyone needs lessons it's me!
I overheard my wife singing in the shower.
"You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her.
"I can't sing," she replied.
I said, "Exactly."
God's Gift
Difference between talent and god's gift:
A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject.
-This is talent.
A woman can give lecture for 2 hrs without any subject.
-This is god's gift.
Did you see what Sam did at the talent show?
Sam sung
Life's just not fair. Aaron Hernandez had everything: talent, money, women...
And now I hear he's well-hung, too?
A man auditioned for a talent show
A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.
What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing?
"American Idle"
Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven
At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.
My girlfriend told me she had no gag reflex
So I broke up with her, it's a shame to see a talent like that go to waste.
A deaf-mute man came on a Talent show.
And what is your talent?
- I can speak!
I'd like to think I'm a fairly funny guy.
I mean I get mirrors to crack up without any effort. Just natural talent I guess
Bird Impressions
A man goes to the circus and tells the talent recruiter that he would like to apply for a position. The recruiter asks what his talents are, and the man replies that he does amazing bird impressions. The recruiter tells the man he's seen a million bird impressions and is not interested. The man says, "that's too bad" and flies away.
The artist Pitbull is my biggest inspiration.
never has someone made so much money with such little talent.
The jumper ....
A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
Sleazy driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."
Which cheese has the most musical talent of them all?
Why, it's gotta be the one and only MOZARTrella.
My 3 sons placed 1st, 2nd and 3rd in a talent contest judged by Lee Kun-hee
Jake juggled, Daniel danced and Sam sung
A talented unemployed singer is like communism
Sounds good, doesn't work.
A man walks into a talent agency with a litter of kittens...
The Agent asks: "What do you call this?"
The man responds: "The Aristocats!"
Sinatra is diagnosed with schizophrenia...
He goes to see a psychologist and starts talking about his split personalities.
One is the charismatic singer who can perform and woo crowds with his talent and charm.
The other is Steve, who is reserved and shy and can't even speak in front of a more than a few people.
He starts off talking, timid and soft spoken.
The psychologist stops him and says Listen, first I'm gonna need you to be Frank with me
Talent is like good grammar...
You either have it or you ain't.
What's rich and has no talent?
A celebrity.
How would describe 'hidden talent ' in one word?
Latent.
What did the banana do at the talent show?
A Split!
Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.
After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.
Hidden talent
John: Bro i think i have a hidden talent
Max: Cool what is it
John: Dunno didn't find out yet
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
I am so talented that I can close my eyes and type this
Bdndjfkdhshdjfkfbshcjskahwjwwksndhcjdksbahxdkjbd
Have you heard about Ted? The guy with a talent for animated internet pictures?
He's gifted
They banned me from the school talent show.
But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.
Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people
Samsung
My friend told me he wanted to take part in a TV talent show. Obviously I wanted to support him as well as I could.
So i killed his mother.
I am a natural talent
You better leave me alone! I know judo, karate, taekwondo and bunch of other Japanese words!
Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.
His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.
Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.
His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.
Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.
My biggest talent is that, I can always tell what's in a wrapped box
it's a gift.
My mom always said that I have a rare talent
She meant that in my case, a talent is rarely evident
Man auditions for circus
Interviewer asks: "So, what is your talent?"
"I imitate birds" man answered.
"I'm sorry, but that's not something we are looking for our show."
"Ok, thanks for your time anyway" said the man and flew out of the window.
I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.
We walked through the door and I handed him our card:
"Barney. Talking dog."
The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."
"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"
"Rough."
"What goes on top of a house?"
"Roof."
"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth."
Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.
Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.
"Knew I should have said Hank Aaron."
Hey, did you hear about the prison talent show?
They had quite the captive audience.
I went for an audition at a talent agency today.
They asked "so what's your special talent?"
I said "I do bird impressions!"
They said "sorry, that's not original we have had loads of them!"
I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.
I applied for a job as a Photographer
Despite a negative interview, the boss told me that he can develop my talent in the dark room.
I have this incredible talent, where I can swallow two strings and poop them out tied together.
I shit you knot.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/talent-jokes.html